


A Need to Breathe

by housebat



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anal Sex, Avantika shows up in ch 3, Bottom Fjord (Critical Role), Drowning, F/M, Fjord has trouble accepting his kinks, M/M, Masturbation, Molly helps!, Mollymauk is both dtf and also the best bud who will make sure you're okay at all times, Other, POV Fjord (Critical Role), Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, See notes for the outline if you want to skip to particular pairings, Top Mollymauk Tealeaf, bless him, character study of Kinky Fjord, except kinky Fjord doesn't admit he's kinky, or have any idea how to talk about it, wildly inappropriate use of the shape water spell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 00:03:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20282092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/housebat/pseuds/housebat
Summary: In which Molly dunks Fjord's head in a fountain and Fjord jerks off to it later.





	1. Chapter 1

“Do your powers only manifest if your life is in danger? Or does it have something to do with water?” Molly asked.

“I don’t know,” admitted Fjord.

“What if you tried?” asked Jester, pointing at the nearby fountain.

“What, just, stick my head in?” asked Ford. “I think I would pull back before there was real enough danger.”

“I could hold you under,” Molly said, “just tap my hand to let you up if you start drowning.”

Something pinched in Fjord’s chest. Fear, probably. “Yeah. Okay. Uh.” Fjord knelt at the edge of the fountain. It was low and he was tall, which put his elbows level with the stone border. Molly placed a hand on the back of his neck, fingers and thumb firmly on either side.

“Take a deep breath,” Molly said.

Fjord breathed in slowly. He hadn’t realized how shallow his breath had gotten. He expected Molly to say ready, but when his lungs were full, Molly’s grip tightened and Fjord’s head was shoved underwater with a splash. Fjord held his breath immediately, years of practice kicking in as second nature. The water was clear. Small stones and an old copper piece lay quietly at the bottom. He found himself mesmerized by Molly’s shadow leaning over him, the distortion of the water moving so that it looked as though Molly shuddered at his back. The water blocked all sound except for his racing heartbeat. Fjord closed his eyes, his senses narrowing in on the pressure of Molly’s hand around his neck, the press of Molly against his back, a tightening in his abdomen.

Fjord’s lungs burned. He tapped Molly’s hand and immediately was pulled up and back by the shoulders. He rocked back onto his heels. His lungs filled with air as he gasped in a huge breath.

“Anything?” Jester asked.

Fjord shook his head. “No.”

“Should we try it again?” Molly asked.

Fjord looked at Molly.

"We can't just drown him every time he needs his powers," Nott said.

Everyone laughed. Fjord laughed too, but that tightness in his belly wouldn’t let go.

#

Fjord laid with his eyes closed and felt increasingly frustrated that sleep would not come. He felt overly aware of the texture of his clothing, the press of the surface against his back. A tautness pulled inside him until he silently got to his feet and slipped away from the others. He walked until he was alone - not an easy task right now, but he managed to find a place with a thick row of trees and a stone wall. He pressed his palms against the wall, seeking pressure, seeking relief from the way his body hummed with restless energy. He closed his eyes and felt the water pressing against his eyelids and Molly’s hand on his neck. His breath let out in a low huff, all at once. His eyes flew open. A current ran from the back of his neck down to the base of his spine. He felt heat along his skin.

This is weird, he told himself, it isn’t natural to feel like this about something like that. He told himself to stop that. He told himself to put it out of his mind. To think about something else. But every time he tried he just drew a blank, feeling the heat of his skin, feeling the thoughts that he was trying to avoid taking up more and more space. The tension in his body grew between his legs. His hand brushed across the front of his pants, sending a shiver of sensation up through his dick, making him flush with the realization he was achingly hard. He couldn’t go back to where people were sleeping like this. This will be quick, he told himself. Just get it done and then forget about it. Just get it out of my system.

Fjord squeezed his eyes shut. He saw Molly’s shadow at the bottom of the fountain. He felt Molly pushed against his back. Fjord took a deep breath and pushed his hand under his belt. He wrapped his fingers around himself and imagined his head held underwater, held his breath, had half-formed visions of Molly roughly gripping his neck and pushing Fjord’s hips against the stone of the fountain with his own, spit-slick fingers against Fjord’s ass, pullling Fjord up by the hair for a gasp of air before shoving him back underneath, fingers inside him, fucking him as his lungs burned.

Forehead pressed hard against the stone, Fjord bit back the ragged sound as he came.

He caught his breath. His cheeks burned. He cleaned quickly and then sat there a minute, hands on his knees, his relief outweighing his embarrassment. His body finally let go of the tension he had been carrying. More than he had even realized.

There, he thought. That’s enough now. That’s enough.

#


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Molly gives Fjord an excuse to get held underwater again and knows exactly what he's doing. CW: light fear play involving a knife

The first fifteen minutes of keeping watch with Molly was filled with the crack of burning firewood, the wind through the trees, and the particular silence of something unspoken. The sound of Fjord’s own breathing felt too loud. He tried to breathe silently through his nose. He examined the night sky as though he could predict the weather.

“Hey, you know that time I nearly drowned you in a fountain?” Molly asked.

Fjord’s stomach flipped. He squinted at the clouds obscuring the moon as though he had noticed something. He matched Molly’s quiet tone with an almost-whisper, trying to make sure they didn’t wake the others. “...Yeah?”

“You gave me a look when I asked if we should try again. I wondered what that was about.”

Fjord glanced over. Molly was leaning back, sitting with both hands behind him on the ground, an apple and a dagger in his lap as though he had forgotten he was going to eat. Molly sounded thoughtful. In the flickering light Fjord couldn’t tell if Molly was smiling, or if that was Molly’s usual half-smug expression.

“What look would _ you _ give somebody who suggested drowning you?” Fjord drawled.

“Not that one,” Molly said.

“I don’t get what you mean,” Fjord said, sounding annoyed. His heart beat treacherously fast in his chest. “And I don’t much care for you making fun of me.”

“I’m not,” Molly said. He sat up and began peeling the apple. Fjord watched Molly make a perfectly thin, even strip of red peel curl away from the apple, starting from the bottom and winding around the fruit, the white flesh of the apple bright against Molly’s lavender hands. Molly always moved with such certainty and style. Even peeling an apple he was showing off how precise he could be if he wanted. The peel tumbled to the side as a whole piece, and Molly cut a wedge. He held it out to Fjord flat on the tip of the dagger.

Fjord wanted to ask him what he meant. Fjord wanted Molly to drop it. He wasn’t sure which he wanted more. He reached for the apple slice and Molly playfully pulled it back. “Ah ah, no, not with your hands. I don’t know when you last washed those.”

“Mouth ain’t exactly cleaner.”

“It touches less things,” Molly said. He held out the dagger again. Fjord rolled his eyes and took the slice with his teeth. “Good boy,” Molly said.

Fjord felt something pulse in his core.

The hour passed. The second hour seemed to crawl into existence impossibly slowly, the moon and stars barely creeping across the sky. Molly got up to take a piss. Fjord let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. He hadn’t been thinking about anything. Just white noise between his ears as he listened for bandits or creatures. Just the taste of apple lingering in his mouth.

Fjord checked the stars again for time. Molly was taking unusually long. Fjord looked at the others and wondered if he should wake someone to check on him, and decided against it. He got up from the fire and stealthed in the direction Molly had gone. 

“Molly?” He whispered.

He heard the sound of water. The clouds parted, and the moon glinted off the surface of a small pond. Molly stood at the edge with his coat folded over his arm. Fjord was going to tell him off, they were on watch, they had things to do, but the air in his lungs refused to become words. 

Molly looked at Fjord over his shoulder and smiled, There was something in that expression. A dare, or a challenge, that made Fjord scowl. Fjord turned around to head back to the fire.

“Fjord,” Molly said, and he said it like _ wait _. Fjord hesitated. Molly’s voice was quiet, not pushing. “Are you sure you don’t want to try it again? Maybe a fountain doesn’t evoke the same response as a natural pool. It’s not the ocean, but it’s dark enough not to see the bottom.”

A thrill went through Fjord’s body. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he said. It was hard to read Molly’s expression with the moon mostly in shadow, casting the two men into the dim black and white palette of darkvision.

“I won’t let you drown,” Molly said.

That’s not why, Fjord wanted to say, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it as he joined Molly at the water’s edge. He took off his breastplate and boots and put them with Molly’s shirt and coat. They waded in a few feet. Fjord crouched, testing the depth, finding it too shallow unless they went farther out. With a glance at Molly, Fjord sat back. This brought the water up just past his navel with a shock of cold. Molly stood over him thoughtfully. 

“Can I straddle you to do this?” Molly asked. “It’s the place with the most control. Or I could try from the side.”

“That's fine,” Fjord said. 

Molly lowered to his knees on either side of Fjord’s legs and hovered his hand at Fjord’s throat. “Okay?”

Fjord nodded. Molly’s hand made contact with his neck and the pulse in Fjord’s core grew stronger.

“Tap my hand when you need to come up. Take a deep breath,” Molly said.

Fjord breathed in, and Molly pushed him onto his back. The hand at his throat gripped firmly, not squeezing, and Molly’s other hand pressed into his chest. Cold water pressed in on all sides. The back of his head pushed into the rocks and sand at the bottom of the pond and his pulse pounded in his ears. Molly’s knees were tight against his legs and he found himself gripping Molly’s thighs, holding himself down, grateful for the cold water as Molly’s nails pressed against his neck and tightness grew in his belly. His lungs started to burn. His body shook with an involuntary motion as it sought air. He tapped Molly’s thigh.

Molly tore him upwards by the front of his shirt with both hands. It wasn’t needed, Fjord shot up easily, sucking in air as soon as he broke the surface, but the tangle of fingers in his wet linen clothing reassured him, grounded him in his body.

“What if you put a knife to me?” Fjord said, the idea tumbling away from his mouth like droplets of water. “What if fear does something?”

The sound of air cut by metal was the only warning before a blade pressed gently under Fjord’s jawline. “Tap if it’s too much,” he said. 

Fjord said nothing as Molly tilted his chin up with the knife’s point, tracing the line of an artery down Fjord’s skin. Fjord swallowed. 

“Breathe,” Molly reminded, and Fjord remembered to inhale. He held it for a second, waiting, and then let it out. He breathed in deeply and filled his lungs to bursting. 

Molly roughly put his hand over Fjord’s mouth and nose. Fjord was taken off guard, taking a beat too long to realize he couldn’t breathe out, and then he was plunged back into the water. His impulse to fight shook his shoulders until he felt the dagger press against his throat. He grabbed onto Molly’s thighs and held himself down, pushing his back into the silt, angling his pelvis away from Molly hips to hide the aching pressure he knew and didn’t want to acknowledge and didn’t want to stop from happening. Molly’s hand on his face slowly released but the knife remained certain, the threat sending electricity down Fjord’s body as Molly’s knees held him in place.

Molly’s free hand took hold of one of his wrists. He allowed Molly to move his hand, feeling a strange thrill allowing Molly to dictate this movement with the knife at his throat. Molly placed Fjord’s hand at Fjord’s belt buckle and then squeezed his wrist before letting go. Molly took hold of the front of Fjord’s shirt, twisting it in a way that he might twist if he was intimidating someone, pushing them to act.

Fjord felt the first tingle of his lungs seeking air. He looked up at Molly, trying to find his face, trying to read it. He saw a wicked grin. He felt a surge of anger and embarrassment - who did Molly think he was, acting like he knew Fjord, knew what he wanted? - and an ache of desire so powerful that he nearly let a groan of air escape from his throat.

Fjord tapped Molly’s leg and Molly immediately removed the blade. Fjord surged out of the water before Molly could help him up, almost tossing Molly off of him. Molly sprawled backwards in the shallows where he landed with a genuine look of surprise. 

“Fuck you,” Fjord said.

“Sorry, was the knife too much?” Molly asked.

“You know that’s not it,” Fjord said.

Molly sheathed his dagger. “Sweet boy, I was giving you permission. Sex is natural. Desire is like breathing. You were hiding an erection and you didn’t have to. Don’t be mad that I’m enjoying this as much as you are.”

Fjord’s anger shifted to confusion, the need in his body wound no less tightly.

“Do you need me to make you?” Molly asked, the grin evident in his voice even as the clouds hid them again. “It would have to be quick. Only a few more minutes until we wake the next shift. If you want to drop it, we drop it. Tell me what you want - what you _ actually _want - and whatever happens, I will never speak of this again,” Molly said.

Fjord let out a breath and found it was shaking. “Why?”

“Because I’m a hedon. I live for this shit,” Molly said.

On all fours, Fjord dug his hands into the silt. The water up to his waist wasn’t cold enough to chill the heat that raced through him. Fjord looked into the water, black and shifting, reflecting only the occasional star. He tried to say it. The words wouldn’t take shape. They were only air. Fjord nodded and hoped Molly understood.

“Please don’t say anything,” Fjord said. 

“I promise,” Molly said. He drew closer, up on his knees so he was above Fjord. Molly tangled his fingers into Fjord’s hair. He brought his head close to Fjord’s ear, his voice completely certain and laced with anticipation in a way that made Fjord’s breath catch in his throat. “Stay on your knees. I’m going to hold your head under until you tap me. Now tell me what you want.”

“I -” Fjord said, and faltered. 

The point of Molly’s knife pressed against Fjord’s thigh, sending a jolt of sensation through him. 

“You want to come,” Molly said.

“Yes,” Fjord said, barely a whisper, flushing with shame and relief all at once.

“Is that the truth?” 

“Yes,” Fjord said, breathing out with the word. Yes, he wanted to come. Yes, he wanted to feel how hard his dick was and yes his body was screaming to be touched and yes he wanted Molly’s fingers in his hair and yes he wanted to feel the way his body amplified every sensation when he couldn’t breathe, the way it sent adrenaline rushing through him as his lungs caught fire and he placed himself in Molly’s hands. The dagger withdrew from his thigh and drew a line up his sternum, along his collar, coming to rest at his throat.

“Show me you mean it. Put your hand just inside your pants,” Molly said.

Fjord did, prickling with embarrassment at how eagerly he moved, realizing it took effort to hold himself back from reaching just a little farther. Molly sheathed the dagger.

“You’re going to get yourself off before you run out of air,” Molly said, his voice even quieter, a dangerous edge in his tone. An implied _ or else _. “Breathe in,” Molly said. 

Fjord took a deep breath. When his lungs were full, Molly’s hand pushed his face under. Fjord shuddered as he wrapped his hand around his dick, no art to it, no tease, just the urgency of tightly wound need, the urging of both Molly’s hands roughly holding him down. He felt clumsy and desperate and the need for air caught up to him far too quickly. He tapped.

“If you can’t get yourself off I’ll have to do it for you,” Molly said, hunger slipping past the smooth, playful control of his tone.

Fjord groaned despite himself, fingers squeezing the tip of his dick, his body in full control of his thoughts. Molly grabbed Fjord’s arm and Fjord withdrew his hand immediately. Molly twisted Fjord’s arm behind him and pressed his chest against Fjord’s back, trapping the arm in place. Fjord could easily wriggle free but he didn’t want to. He leaned into the pressure, into the fantasy, as Molly pulled his head back by the hair.

“I want to hear you gasp for me.” Molly said.

Fjord couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes. He let out a low sound. Molly let go of his hair and wrapped a hand around his throat. Fjord leaned into it as Molly squeezed. 

“Please,” Fjord managed, his voice gravelly from need and pressure. He saw his fantasy of being bent over the fountain, head under, and he couldn’t ask for that, but he could ask for this. “Your hand. Please.”

“Take a deep breath,” Molly said.

Molly covered Fjord’s mouth and nose with one hand and tore his belt open with the other. Fjord moaned inside his throat and pushed up with his hips, putting his dick into Molly’s hand. He moved with Molly pressed against his back. Every stroke of Molly’s hand sent shudders through him, the tightness in his body becoming waves of heat and sensation. His chest hitched as his lungs fought for air. He let out another choked groan as he rocked back into Molly's lap and felt the length of Molly’s cock pressed under his clothing.

Molly’s hand lifted just enough for Fjord to gasp in air and then Molly’s fingers were in his mouth. He sucked. Molly sucked in air behind him. The sound of Molly’s rough breaths set Fjord’s body on fire. Molly slid his hand up the length of Fjord’s dick to cover the head, pulsing his grip as they moved together.

Fjord began to vibrate. Molly covered his mouth and nose and the shaking grew stronger, his lungs unprepared, his vision prickling at the corners as Molly’s hand worked him faster. He came with a shuddering contraction.

Molly let go of his nose but held a hand over his mouth until the shuddering stopped. Fjord’s chest heaved as he caught his breath through his nose. He eased his arm free from behind his back, but remained pressed against Molly’s chest, breathing.

On the other side of the trees, a voice called their names.

“Fjord! Molly! Where are you?” Jester stage-whispered. 

Fjord pulled away from Molly and called back quickly. “We’re okay! Just took a swim.”

“A swim?? That sounds fun!” Jester said brightly, and then caught herself. “But you were on watch.”

“Yeah, uh,” Fjord said.

Molly smiled as he retrieved his clothes. “My fault. I couldn’t resist a quick dip. Wait there, I’ll be right over,” he said.

Fjord let Molly go first. He picked up his things, listening to the fading whispers as Molly and Jester went back to camp. He felt dazed. Euphoria carried him drunkenly back through the trees. Jester waved hello from beside the fire where Beau blinked sleepily and Molly, naked, hung his clothes over a branch. Fjord immediately redirected his eyes to the ground and walked straight towards his bedroll.

"You should have taken your clothes off _ before _ you got in," Jester said. 

"Where's the fun in that?" Molly said. 

"How is being cold and soggy fun?" Beau asked flatly. 

"Hey Fjord -" Jester said. 

"What?" Fjord paused, trying to look tired.

"Aren't you going to dry your things too?" Jester asked. The lilt of her voice reminded Fjord of an animal curiously tilting her adorable head.

"Oh. Yeah," Fjord said. He unbuckled his breastplate, feeling stupid for putting it back on out of habit. He pulled off his dripping shirt. He glanced up and raised his eyebrows at the three pairs of eyes that watched him. Beau frowned, not really looking at him per se, just in his direction and thinking. Jester looked with open curiosity at his scarred chest. Molly reclined comfortably - despite being buck-ass nude - and looked him straight in the eyes with a satisfied smile.

"You don't all gotta stare," Fjord said gruffly. Everyone with any decency - Beau, Jester - dropped their eyes. Molly laughed and switched his gaze to the fire.

Fjord hung up his clothes. The euphoria wore off as he quickly put on something dry. He was legitimately tired now. The kind of tired that cleared his mind and gave him peace. It felt earned. He took long, easy breaths as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops it turns out I wasn't quite done with the kinky drowning chapter. I debated whether or not to post this the same weekend as the first part but then figured why not. 
> 
> [posts a kiss fic in 2016]  
[kicks down the door in 2019 wearing shades with drowning!kink in one hand]
> 
> "I am so afraid of drowning how dare you make it sexy" - first person who read this story
> 
> Enjoy!


	3. Chasm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set after the fade to black in C2E40, Avantika pegs Fjord in what is possibly the best-worst use of the control water spell. 
> 
> Standalone, but does build thematically from the first chapters since it's the same Fjord.

Naked, Avantika stood on the balcony. A column of water rose up out of the ocean to meet her, twisting around her body as she moved her hands with curiosity and confidence, testing her new ability. Fjord had entered with a plan, rehearsing words in his mind, but for a moment, all of that went quiet. She was muscular. Broad shouldered with a round belly, round hips, and a flat ass over long, thick legs. She looked over her shoulder at Fjord. His cheeks warmed, but he didn't look away. It was clear she had been aware of him, and wanted him to watch. She let the column fall back into the ocean. She held his gaze as she twisted her hair out of the way, curls heavy and dark with water, and wrapped a towel around her body. She picked up a sabre from her desk and popped a cork out of a bottle of wine.

Fjord accepted a glass. “To your success,” he said.

“To our success, eh?” Avantika smiled. 

“One can only hope. You’ve been on this journey far longer than I,” Fjord said.

“Well… I am excited for you to experience this. I’ve never felt a connection like this with the sea that’s been my life. I can call it to swell and move, part and shift. Soon -” she reached out to touch the top of Fjord’s hand “- soon you will experience this.”

The captains talked like conspirators. They spoke about their mutual search for an old god and the gifts he would bring. Fjord cautiously allowed Avantika to press him for information, gave her enough to learn something in return. They had been doing this dance around each other for days, moving effortlessly between flirtation and persuasion, each trying to steer the conversation to their advantage. Avantika’s gaze was intense and searching. The complete confidence of someone who knew exactly what she wanted. 

Her devotion to power was an undertow. A whirlpool. It drew him in, despite himself, curious how far she would go. She had no idea how close he had come to killing her for that power. That he hadn't brought him an uncomfortable mix of relief and apprehension.

_ Do I want her_, he thought_, or do I want what she has? _

Avantika leaned in close. She smelled like the sweet-sour of sailor’s wine, sea salt, a hint of coconut oil. He held very still, hyper-aware of her light touch on his hand. He measured her movements as she measured her words. She said things about rest that she made no motions to follow.

“There are many ways to seal a deal,” Avantika said.

Fjord’s heart rate kicked up. A voice in his head asked, _ am I really going to do this? Is this a good idea? Am I really going to do this? _Carefully, Fjord took her hand. _ Fuck it, _ he thought.

Avtanika smiled as he joined her on the other side of the desk. He leaned in. She grabbed the back of his head. The bottom of his glass clacked onto the desk as he was overpowered. Their mouths pressed together in a rush of heat. Adrenaline spiked and Fjord wasn't thinking anything any more. He _ couldn’t _ think. Avantika pushed him down onto the desk and he melted under the force of her wanting.

Avantika climbed astride him. The skin of her thighs pressed against his shirt. She took hold of his chin with her fingers and thumb. “Open your mouth,” she said, and swigged from her glass.

He did. 

She leaned forward and let a ribbon of wine pour from her mouth onto his tongue. On reflex he blocked his throat, feeling the wine against his cheeks, tangy and heavy. He took a breath through his nose. She tipped back for another drink and he swallowed. His cheeks went hot as he imagined her spitting her next mouthful right into his face. He imagined her forcing him to hold his mouth full of wine and not spill a drop as he buried his face between her legs. Fjord let out a breath that was almost a groan. He smoothed his thumbs along the place where her thighs met her hips. 

Avantika leaned her pelvis closer to his face, teasing him. “Do you want to use your tongue on me? You have the look of a man who has starved for some time.”

Fjord ran his hands down her thighs and was rewarded with the way her eyes fluttered, for just a moment. He imagined her tipping the bottle against his lips._ Fill my mouth, force me to hold my breath or else choke on wine, put your fingers against my tongue - _ “I will absolutely lose my goddamn mind if I can make you moan.”

"You can't _ make _ me do anything," she said. Avantika smirked as she put the glass down. "You haven't even removed your shirt without my permission - and rightly so. It is my ship, _ Captain _Tusktooth." 

He stared at her, momentarily taken aback. "It ain't exactly gentleman-like to just strip off."

A delighted laugh bubbled out of Avantika. She tangled a fist in Fjord's shirt and pulled both of them away from the desk. "I'm giving you an order then. _ Undress. _"

Fjord fumbled with his buttons as Avantika kissed him hard. She laughed against his mouth and pressed her body against his bare chest, getting in his way, successfully drawing his attention from his clothes to her skin. He tasted the ocean on her neck. Her pulse raced against his lips. She pulled the belt from his pants with a heavy snap of leather.

"Is that all you're going to order me to do?" Fjord said. He'd intended to tease her, to assert himself by playfully talking back, but to his horror the words came out in a low, hungry murmur.

The dangerous grin on Avantika's face sent a jolt of anticipation through Fjord's body. Something opened up inside his chest. He felt his balance waver at the edge of this great, bottomless _ want. _

"Uh," he said, unsure, suddenly grasping for words. 

She had him bent over the desk in seconds. His nose filled with the smell of mahogany and red wine, his forgotten glass remarkably unspilled and very close to his face. His chest pressed into the wood as she pushed her tits against his back and her hand into his pants. Fjord sucked in a breath as she took hold of him. She experimentally squeezed along his length and hummed approvingly as he melted against the desk.

"Do you like being fucked, Fjord?" Avantika asked.

He bit back a sound as she touched him lightly, only enough sensation to make him desperate, his arousal pulling his body taut. "Yes," Fjord said.

Avantika opened a desk drawer. He heard the sound of a bottle being opened and placed aside. He took the momentary pause to undo his pants and pushed them down. There was a second of relief as the fabric released, and then Avantika pulsed her hand around his dick. She ran a finger over the tip, slick with pre-cum, and he groaned

"I mean the kind of fucked where you receive," Avantika said, her tone edged with promise. "I'm not interested in _ gentlemanly _. I want you fucked and sweating like an animal."

A shudder went through Fjord's entire body. He exhaled sharply through his nose. His knees buckled as he leaned heavily into the desk. 

Avantika made sure he felt it as she placed her other hand between them, her knuckles against the cleft of his ass as she ran her fingers along her vulva. He arched to listen to her breath quicken as she touched herself. His eyes closed so all he could hear the rush of her breath against his ear, the waves rolling against the ship, the moan that threatened to rise out of his chest as her wet fingers slid between his ass cheeks and played against his rim.

"Is that a yes?" Avantika said.

Words. Fjord reached for words past the crashing of his pulse. He managed to nod. Avantika slid a finger easily inside him and a flash of heat raced through his body. Avantika pushed more inside him, the sensation sending him 

It felt good, it felt so good, but that chasm in his chest was so fucking deep. 

A sharp slap against the flat of his ass brought his attention to his skin, her touch. "Do you think I'm going to let you disappear into your head?" Avantika said. She hit him again. Fjord flinched and relaxed and a wave of heat rushed through his belly. Again, and he moaned into the desk. She withdrew her fingers slowly, making him shiver. "Stand up."

Fjord followed on shaking legs as Avantika led him to her private balcony. The air was cool against the sweat on his skin. Avantika laid Fjord down and straddled his chest. Fjord ached for touch, for pressure. He didn't know what to do with his hands. Avantika had a faint silver silhouette of moonlight outlining her against the blackness of the ocean stretched out forever, glittering with the broken reflection of the night sky.

"You act as though your desires aren't so dark as mine. But I see you," Avantika murmured. "You hold back from the depths of you want. That's a weakness, Fjord." 

Avantika twisted her hands and spoke a word that send a cold thrill up Fjord's spine. A curl of magic lit the hunger in Avantika's face. The ocean rose up behind her, the column of water splitting into tendrils. 

"You must embrace it," she said. "Give yourself to me. To him."

Fjord watched the water twist and his body ached with wanting. "I wanted to choke on your wine," he said, unsure why he said it, but it was the only thing he could think to say. 

The water drew close and curled up his legs. It was cold and strange. It held its shape against his skin, warming slightly as it twisted and shivered. The water naturally resisted being manipulated. Fjord reached for it and found that it ran through his hand like a rope made of river, smooth and forcing his fingers apart.

"Choke on me," Avantika said.

Fjord eagerly brought his mouth to meet her as she knelt over his face. Her vulva was swollen and slick with desire. Avantika exhaled, and tendrils of water around both Fjord's legs pulled his knees wide. Fjord steadied her with one hand and wrapped the other hand around his dick. He pressed his tongue against the stud of her clitoris and down, rolling his mouth into her. The water trembled as she breathed harder.

The water pushed into his ass. Fjord groaned as it filled him, fit perfectly and then pulsed. Shudders of pleasure rocked Fjord as the pressure thudded like a heartbeat inside him. Water slapped against his skin. More wrapped around him, cascaded up her back, splashed onto the balcony. Avantika grabbed the back of his head and Fjord moved faster, urging her with his body to do the same.

Avantika came against his mouth. Her body curled forward, the water losing its shape for a second and crashing to the deck as she curled over him, shuddering with each wave of orgasm. Fjord didn't let up until she shoved his shoulders down against the deck.

Avantika flipped Fjord onto his front and hauled him up to all fours. He heard her recasting the spell and hitched his hips higher, felt the answering hunger roar inside him. He glanced over his shoulder to see thick ribbons of water wrapping around her like an extension of her body, smooth and shimmering, going into her and out from her like a thick, glassy cock. Her eyelids fluttered as she concentrated.

"I want to feel you everywhere," she said. "I want to keep choking you til you see stars. I want to take everything."

The ocean in his ears, Fjord let go.

"Yes," he breathed, "yes, please, yes."

The water wrapped around him, harder this time, more in control. She pushed into his ass and it was truly _ her _ now, the water firm and yielding, the pressure more intense. Her fingers dug into his hips as she fucked him, the cold water pulsing inside of his burning skin. He fucked back, slamming his hips into the current. She responded with a growling need, pulling him harder against her, the water wrapping around his ribs and around his neck. Fjord groaned and leaned into the pressure on his throat.

Water pushed into his mouth, cold and firm against his tongue. His body convulsed. Instinct screamed at him that he was drowning even though he could breathe. He forced himself to suck air through his nose and exhaled in a moan. She fucked him harder, fucked his mouth and his ass and pushed him where she wanted him as water coiled around his body. Waves crashed into the sides of the ship. The sensations almost overwhelmed him until she dug her nails into his skin, the pain grounding him against the tide of stimulation, pounding into him again and again. His body began to shake.

"Come for me," Avantika snarled.

The demand sent a shudder through his belly and into his dick that didn't stop. His breath was ragged and groaning as she fucked him, her hand on his dick, her hardness in his ass, her body's vibrations travelling through it so that he felt everything as she fucked them both.

The water withdrew from his mouth. He gasped for air and begged her, incoherent desperate pleas and moans for more, please, oh fuck, oh god, please - 

His words cut off with a ragged cry as he came, curled against her hips. She held him against her as she came again, the water breaking apart and splashing onto the deck. Relief and euphoria flooded through Fjord.

They rolled into the wood, backs against drying saltwater, catching their breath. The ship rocked, the sounds of ropes and chains clanking, creaking wood, waves crashing below. At some point clouds had gathered over the stars and turned the sky black. Fjord stared up into the darkness, feeling rather than seeing the ink-black ocean below, floating on a feeling of wholeness. His body pressed easily into the balcony, heavy and relaxed.

Avantika put up a hand to feel the direction of the wind. "It will pass in a few hours. And then," she smiled, "we have a shipwreck to find."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Fjord thinks about Jester.
> 
> Uh so there is no smut in this one. Which is weird?? This was not in the plan. But no worries, it's still part of the character study of bottom!Fjord x asphyxiation!kink.

Fjord’s mouth tasted like saltwater and blood. He stood under the tree at the Xhorhouse in his sleeping clothes, looking up at their magicked lights, letting his eyes blur out, thinking about nothing. Gods he was tired. He counted the globes of light. He traced lines of tree bark with his fingers. Thinking about nothing. Thinking about  _ nothing _ .

The stupid nest Jester made for her half-drowned weasel stuck out at an odd angle. Fjord smiled a little. He let himself think about Jester. Her enthusiasm was like no one else. Her creativity, too. He let the smile spread as he thought about exactly how many dicks she had hidden all across their journey. Sugar on her fingers. Flecks of ink on her skirt.

A pang of guilt caught him under the ribs. His smile turned into a wince.

Jester’s face in his hands. Her eyes wide, terrified, softening into surprise in the cup of his palms. Pressing his lips to hers and emptying out his breath into her lungs.

He saved her life. He saw her about to drown, and he couldn’t let that happen. That’s all he had been thinking about when it happened. He hadn’t been thinking about how his own lungs would burn. He hadn’t been thinking about  _ her life over mine _ . He had just thought  _ Jester _ , and that was enough.

That was noble, wasn’t it? So why did he avoid her eyes?

A creature made slow circles in the depths of his chest. A composite thing made of all the words he couldn’t say. A thing that breathed saltwater and blood.

How could you let yourself touch her, whispered the creature, even to save her?

_ It wasn’t like that _ , Fjord thought firmly.  _ It wasn’t like that. It’s not the same thing. _

But what if it is? It whispered.

_ It isn’t _ , Fjord thought.

The deep, dark silence was no comfort. 

There was a creak as the door to the roof opened. Fjord looked up as Caduceus emerged onto the roof with two cups of tea.

“Hey,” Caduceus said, in his rumbling, affectionate way.

Fjord thought about saying hi, asking why Caduceus was up so late, how he knew to bring tea. Caduceus pressed the second cup into Fjord’s hands. It was warm, not too hot. It smelled sweet.

“Thanks,” Fjord said.

They sat next to each other in amiable silence, their backs against the tree.

After a minute, Fjord’s mouth tasted like jasmine and honey. He felt the tension in his shoulders release.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” said Caduceus, “but it might help.”

Fjord withheld a sigh. Ran a thumb along the edge of his cup. It was like a little bowl, no handle, just smooth baked clay. “Just nightmares, is all.”

Caduceus hummed thoughtfully. “Is that what’s keeping you up?”

“Yeah,” Fjord said.  _ And no _ , he thought.

“Can you tell me about it?” Caduceus asked.

Fjord shrugged. “Not much to tell. Ocean. Freaky old god. Drowning.” A twinge of panic reminded him to shut up. Caduceus was the wrong person to get sloppy around. He read people. Fjord was half-convinced he had some sort of psychic thing going on, or some kind of arcane mojo that laid out people’s insides like a book.

“A vision?” Caduceus asked.

“Nah. You get enough of those and they just start bleedin’ over into your regular nightmares. Even the saltwater part sometimes. At least for me. I dunno if Avantika ever got that or if it’s just a me thing. What kind of tea is this?”

Panic rang a little louder. A warning from his body to his brain. 

The creature traced the names carved into his ribs.

_ Molly. _

“Do you ever think about her?” Caduceus asked. “Avantika, I mean.”

“Sometimes. I’m not broken up about her or anything, but she was,” Fjord trailed off a little, thinking. “I don’t know. Exciting ain’t the right word. She was trying to end the world, so I figured she was going to bite it one way or the other, but I appreciated her while she was around.”

“She was really something,” Caduceus said, a touch of admiration in his voice. 

_ Avantika _ .

“Yeah,” Fjord said. He aimed for comfortable finality, the sort of  _ yeah _ that ends a conversation, but he fucked up the landing. He could feel the weight of Caduceus’ gaze like a warm blanket. 

_ Jester. _

Caduceus took Fjord’s empty cup. Fjord’s fingers were stiff. He realized then how hard he had been clutching it in his hand.

“Hey uh-” Fjord said.

Caduceus looked at him with such patience, such kindness, that for a moment Fjord felt brave.

There was no creature. No deep dark ocean inside him for it to occupy. There was only fear, and his desperate belief that not speaking it, not giving it words even inside his own head, would make it go away.

This was the shape of Fjord’s fear:

He was afraid that it would be weird and bad to feel any sort of good about that moment with Jester. He was afraid that anything other than platonic relief would be a breach of trust. He was terrified that feeling something intimate would mean he had done something sexual and fucked-up.

The shape of Fjord’s fear was shame.

“Is it okay if saving Jester kind of felt like a kiss?” Fjord said.

Caduceus smiled warmly. “Oh, absolutely.”

“Oh,” Fjord said, sinking back against the tree with relief. “Right. I mean, it wasn’t, but.”

“I think she was rather hoping it was,” Caduceus said.

“What?” Fjord said.

Caduceus chuckled. 

_ Jester, _ Fjord thought, experimentally. Almost a question to himself.  _ Jester? _

Something pleasant fluttered in his stomach.

Fjord’s mouth tasted like her name.

**Author's Note:**

> Note: the canon is treated loosely because I didn't feel like going and looking it up, I might edit later, but mostly this is an excuse to write some fun bottom!Ford smut that may or may not include other POVs later. Every chapter is basically standalone, but does build this particular version of kinky Fjord. Smut plan: 
> 
> \- drowning w Molly  
\- pegging w Avantika  
\- service w Cadeusus  
\- PEGGING REVISITED W JESTER
> 
> Enjoy!


End file.
